


Secret

by krazikrys



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: F/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazikrys/pseuds/krazikrys
Summary: Brian Littrell has a secret that no one knows.
Relationships: Brian Littrell/Leighanne Littrell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know them. Never met them. Love them to death. No harm meant in this.

I groaned as I heard my cell phone ring. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, it said six and some random numbers after it. Groping for the device, I fumbled with it before finally peeling my eyes open enough to see the number on it. The area code was 615. Squinting, I let it go to my voice mail and rolled back over. I didn’t want to deal with anything today.

After a minute of trying to get my thoughts together, curiosity got the best of me. I didn’t often get calls from that area code. Reaching for my phone again, I picked it up and saw that I had three missed calls. I found that strange. Everyone I knew was either invited to the wedding today or knew it was going on. Seeing it was the same area code, my heart leaped into my throat. Sitting up and climbing out of bed, I searched for a tee-shirt to throw on. Jumping into the jeans I had on last night and slipping my shoes on, I grabbed my room key and the phone and slipped outside, not wanting to wake my brother up.

I had opted to stay in a hotel so my soon-to-be wife could stay at the house with her bridesmaids. We were getting married that afternoon. It was the first time we had slept in separate places in about two years. I had intended to sleep until later, but obviously, this phone call had to be taken care of. Walking down the hall to the stairwell, I slipped inside and sat down on the steps leading up to the next floor. Taking a breath, I dialed the number that had called me at eleven, one, and three last night.

The woman who answered on the other end sounded exhausted and frazzled. “Hello?”

“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked, almost annoyed at the intrusion.

“Oh, thank you for calling back. It’s Brayden.” I held my breath. “They admitted him to the hospital last night.”

I shook my head. “They what?”

“Yeah,” the woman said. “Last night around one.”

“What happened?” I slowly leaned forward, trying to compose myself.

The woman on the other end sighed. “He had a fever all day. When Amanda got home, she took over like she always does. Well, around ten, he had a seizure. We rushed him to the ER. His fever was so high, Brian. They said he was dehydrated too. Around one, they found a bed for him up on the kids' floor so they admitted him. Amanda hasn’t left his side.”

Swallowing hard, I sighed. “Is that why you’ve been calling?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Besides, the nurses have been on Amanda to ‘let the father know,’” she said in an exasperated tone. “I tried telling them it was complicated. You know I wouldn’t have called otherwise.”

I bit my lip and stood up. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s sleepy. They’ve got the fevers controlled, not gone, but controlled with Tylenol. The only thing they are doing differently than what we were doing is IV fluids. They said he could go home as soon as the fever is controlled without medication.”

“Do they know what’s wrong?” I asked, trying not to be anxious.

“The doctor last night said it was probably some virus. And that the seizure was likely because of the fever and nothing else.” I sighed as she continued. “I’m so sorry to have bothered you today. But I figured you would’ve wanted to know.”

“Thanks,” I said softly. “Let me know when the hospital bills arrive. I’ll pay them off. Is there anything else you need?”

The woman sighed. “No, I think we’re good. I’m gonna force Amanda to go get breakfast after I get off the phone with you and watch little man for a while so she can take a nap.” She paused. “How long are you gone for?”

“At least a week. But please just leave a voice mail when you guys leave the hospital okay?” She agreed and we hung up. I stood there in the stairwell for a minute trying to get my thoughts together. No one knew about Brayden. No one knew about the fact that I had a son. It was a secret I intended to keep for as long as I possibly could.

I slowly opened the door and walked back down to my hotel room. Inside, I found my brother awake in his bed, watching ESPN. “Nervous?” he asked, seeing me.

I shrugged and tried to play it off. “A little. More about all the details.” I closed the door behind me, hoping it appeared that I had needed to clear my head about the impending nuptials that day.

Harold smiled his crooked smile at me. “What? You’re not nervous to be getting married?”

I kicked my shoes off and sat on the edge of the bed. “Nah. I’ve known from the moment I met her.”

Harold rolled his eyes. “God, if this wedding wasn’t fairy tale material already!”

I grinned and tossed a pillow at him. “It’s what she wanted.”

My brother snagged the pillow from mid-air and tossed it back at me. I caught it effortlessly. “Hand delivered scrolls. If you could’ve figured out how to do it on horseback, I’m sure you would’ve! I’m sure her dress is fit for a princess.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh, little brother, what is the press gonna make of your fairy tale wedding?” 

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. We’ve already got _Entertainment Tonight_ getting footage. They’ll want something when we get back. There’s other’s too, I’m sure. But that’s why we banned cameras.”

My brother shook his head and turned off the TV. “It’s early still. I don’t think the rest of the guys are up. Let’s go snag breakfast real quick before things get wild.”

I rolled my eyes but agreed. Today was destined to be a long day. I tried to push the thought of Brayden being in the hospital and his mother, Amanda, and nanny, Sara, being there. I needed to focus on what was in front of me. He was well taken care of. I didn’t need to worry.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything had gone off without a hitch. We left the next morning for Fiji and some much needed alone time. The time change was a killer. I kept my phone off, terrified that it might go off at some random time, and then I’d have to explain things. The first night that I felt safe with my wife sleeping soundly beside me, I snagged my phone off the nightstand and slipped out of bed. I snuck off to the bathroom and quietly turned my phone on. There was a voice mail. I listened and heard Sara’s voice say that they had been discharged. Brayden had been diagnosed with Roseola and would likely break out in a rash in the next day or so but not to be alarmed. I heaved a sigh of relief and knew that things would be okay.

I spent the rest of my time with Leighanne enjoying our time together. I gave no more thought to the small family living in Nashville. Most of the time, I was able to completely push the thought of them away. It had been an accident. Not a mistake, but an accident. One I took full responsibility for. They were well taken care of. Whatever she needed, I provided. The only thing I couldn’t be was “Daddy.” Amanda knew this from the moment she told me almost two years ago now. Surprisingly, she was fine with this. She was content to be the single mom taking care of this child. I did make things a little easier on her. I had hired a nanny, Sara, to help out, so she could work. Whenever anyone questioned how she was able to afford a nanny, Sara’s immediate response was that she was an old family friend. Thankfully, the two women had bonded like friends, so the little lie soon became true.

I didn’t ask for much. Just that the child did not have my last name and I would be kept updated when it was appropriate. Most of the time that meant late-night phone calls to my voice mail. Amanda hardly ever spoke to me. After that night in June, she only called me twice. Once to tell me she was pregnant and I was the father. And once to tell me our son was born. Sara was hired when Brayden was six months old and I was able to get a little more constant communication. I still hadn’t seen this little boy, but that was because I refused any offer of pictures. I didn’t want them on my phone. I didn’t want them coming to the house. And even though I could get a PO Box a few towns over, it was hard enough keeping a bank account from my now wife. I just didn’t want to chance someone getting a hold of pictures or letters or anything that could tie me to Amanda.

I was glad Leighanne and I took the time to be together and actually have a honeymoon. It seemed like as soon as we landed back in Atlanta, my life took off again. We were planning for our next album release and what we were going to do. There was a crazy idea of going around the world in a hundred hours. There was so much to work out for that. I loved the idea and the idea of doing mini-shows and press in six cities, one on every continent, save for Antarctica. (Who would we perform for? The penguins?) This was going to be way bigger than when we released _Millennium_.

By the time the day in November rolled around for us to jump on the plane in Sweden, I was ready to get back to what I loved. We definitely wracked up the air time. And the plane… it was huge! Kev got a pic of the four of us sleeping in this giant bed. I was glad Leighanne had opted to stay on the ground though. It was not exactly the easiest hundred hours. And when we hit Rio de Janeiro, it was crazy! Fans were _everywhere_! We wound up doing this impromptu show. We were only supposed to do a couple of songs, but we did more. It was like a million stories up too. All the guys were practically hanging off the edge. I was glad when we had our feet back on the ground.

When I finally got home, I was glad to be able to sleep in my own bed. I think I slept for like a whole day. When I finally woke up, I saw an envelope on my desk in my studio that I was slowly putting together. It was a letter from my accountant. I was fortunate that Leighanne didn’t open my mail. I had a feeling I knew what it was. I sighed as I opened the letter. It was about my “other” account.

Snagging my phone, I headed outside. Wandering into the woods on my property, I dialed the number to my accountant. “Hey, Leon,” I said when he finally answered.

“Hey Bri,” he said. “I knew you were busy with the promo, so I sent a letter instead. We’ve got a problem with the one account.”

I rubbed my fingers over my eyes. “What?”

“You’re too low on it for these medical bills I got.”

I groaned. “So…”

He sighed. “I can’t transfer too much from the joint account without your wife realizing.”

I grumbled out loud, the sound echoing in the quiet. “And…”

“If you pay them in full then Amanda’s payment and Sara’s check will be short.”

Leaning against a tree, I bit my lip. This really shouldn’t be this difficult. Shaking my head slowly, I said, “Well, do just a little more than we would normally do in a transfer and call the hospital to set up a payment. Let them know that it won’t be all at once.”

Leon agreed and we hung up. I sighed. This child of mine wasn’t even two yet and my head was swimming already.

Walking back into the house, Leighanne caught me with a kiss. “Everything okay?”

I blinked, hoping I still didn’t look too dazed. “Uh, yeah, Leon was just concerned about a few things. Wanted to make sure there was a tour coming up.”

Leighanne smiled. “I can’t wait, but I was thinking we might need a few more things for Christmas, Husband.”

I smiled sweetly. My wife’s dream was to deck the house out for Christmas. Thankfully, I had convinced her that we could do this over time and not rush things.

Christmas was a blur and immediately following, I was back to rehearsals for the tour. It didn’t take long before the tour started, my beautiful wife joining me. Things were wild and crazy. We did Atlanta and jumped on a plane and flew to Tampa to do the National Anthem for the Super Bowl. Thankfully we had a couple of days before Philly, so we were actually able to enjoy the game from a suite. I definitely don’t think Nick will forget his twenty-first birthday. And then it was straight on through with shows until March. 

Things were definitely wild and crazy. It really was unreal. AJ seemed to be more over the top. I was beginning to get worried about him. Everything was going along fine. We had a couple of long travel days and most of the shows were multiple nights in the same city. By the time we got to my birthday in Denver, I was a hundred percent committed to what I was doing and just about oblivious to the outside world. My birthday on the road was about what I expected. I hadn’t really had a birthday that I wasn’t “working” since I joined the group. But when I got off stage that night, I saw that my phone had a new message on it. I didn’t think twice about checking it, even with everyone around me as we headed towards the buses.

“Hey Brian,” came Sara’s voice. “Sorry to call, but I just wanted you to know that Brayden turned two today. I know you don’t want pictures or anything, but Amanda wanted me to let you know anyway. Hope the show was good and having twenty thousand people sing you happy birthday was a great experience.”

I bit my cheek as I erased the message. “Everything okay?” Leighanne asked as we climbed on our bus together.

“Yeah,” I said, kinda flippantly. “It was just my brother,” I lied.

She winked at me. “Well, I still owe you your birthday present…” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back of the bus.


	3. Chapter 3

I really hated breaks in tours. Sure, it was nice to sleep in my own bed, but I really wanted to be on the road. Our quick little one-month jaunt to South America was insanely crazy. That was probably about the only time I was glad to be home. The craziness and chaos of it all was a little much. In June, I flew down to Orlando. It was great to be starting in front of the “hometown” crowd, at least for AJ, Howie, and Nick. Kevin and I still had about three weeks until we were in Kentucky.

As we started back on tour, traveling up the East coast, I began to get really worried about AJ. he was secretive, hiding more and seemed to be trying to skip out on things we had scheduled. I know I wasn’t the only one concerned. I happened to be in Kevin’s dressing room one night when Howie came in. We were in Virginia.

“Kev,” Howie stated, “I’m really worried about Alex.”

Kevin nodded. “We all are,” he said, tipping his head towards me in the corner.

Howie closed the door and stepped closer to the two of us. “I think he’s drinking on stage,” he said softly.

“What?” Kevin exclaimed.

I nodded behind him and stepped forward. “I think so too. He’s so protective of his water bottles. I mean, I don’t want Howie’s spit in mine, but it’s more than that.” Howie glared at me.

“What do you mean?” Kevin asked.

I shook my head. “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he’s like way over the top on stage, even for him.”

Kevin sighed. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too.”

“He’s also nearly impossible to get moving when we have things,” Howie said.

“Thankfully we haven’t had a lot,” I added.

Kevin sighed again. “I know you guys are right, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now.”

Just then, the door opened and AJ was standing there holding the doorknob. “Hey guys, we ready?”

Howie glanced at Kevin and we all exchanged a nervous glance. I know Howie could smell the same thing I could.

Kevin’s features hardened. “Alex,” he said in an even tone. “Have you been drinking?”

AJ slowly shook his head. “Nah! I wouldn’t do that before a show. Now after is a different story!”

I rolled my eyes and looked over at Howie. We all _knew_ he was lying, but there wasn’t much we could do about it! I shook my head and pushed past both Howie and AJ and headed towards my own dressing room. I was annoyed, but I couldn’t do anything about AJ and his bad habits.

The show that night was the same as it had been, except I could tell Kevin was watching AJ a little more. As we continued, things grew tenser and tenser between the five of us. Nick and I were hardly talking. AJ was hiding. As we breezed through Nashville, I had a fleeting thought of the little family living there, but with all that was going on between the group, I could barely think about my own problems.

I was glad Leighanne was with me to calm me down at night. I had always been a night owl so sometimes as we rolled to the next city, we would lay in bed and talk before finally drifting off to sleep. We finally got to Boston after the Fourth of July and I thought the week’s worth of shows and events was going to be a breeze. Boy, I was so wrong.

We were supposed to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. But AJ wouldn’t budge from his room. I was angry, but I hung back with Howie and let Kevin be the angry one. We both had major tempers when we got mad. I knew AJ probably didn’t need us both on him. I was mildly surprised when my cousin broke down the door, but I think Howie was more shocked. I had seen Kev and his brothers do worse damage. AJ’s appearance and demeanor didn’t surprise me. What did was Nick’s anger over it all. He straight up punched a wall and broke his hand. Thank God for the tour medics. I did not want to explain that to a hospital emergency room right then. It was decided rather quickly that we were going to postpone the tour, AJ was flying off to enter rehab in Arizona, and we were heading to New York to MTV to announce the postponement. Kevin did all the talking. We all sat there, still shellshocked over what had happened.

The moment we left the studio, I was on edge. Leighanne knew it. We flew home to Atlanta and I didn’t sleep for two days. Instead, I busied myself with projects around our property. Leighanne thought it had to do with AJ, but it really had to do with being still. We weren’t supposed to be at home right now. I was supposed to be working. We were supposed to be on the move. It took a solid two weeks before I finally slowed down. When I finally did, Leighanne and I curled up in bed one night talking. She wanted to start a family. She kept telling me she wasn’t getting any younger. I knew it was because it was her birthday. Oddly, an old Journey song kept running through my head when we talked about starting a family. I’d have to thank Nick for that later. I didn’t want to start a family while I was on the road. It didn’t seem right for me to be gone all the time. If I was actually going to be a part of a child’s life, I wanted to be there.

I admitted all this to her and surprisingly, she understood. “When this tour is over and things calm down…” she said, kissing my forehead. I smiled and pulled her close to me.

The next few weeks passed and things were rescheduled and moved around. We were supposed to be done with the tour the day before my anniversary, but now, we had this long trek from Texas to New York. I wasn’t upset, just annoyed. At least Leighanne was with me until the following week.

When the tour started up again, Kevin took it upon himself to adjust our riders and make sure there was absolutely no alcohol anywhere for AJ to possibly think about. It was nice having the old AJ back. He was fun and vibrant. By the time we got back around to finally finishing the shows in Boston, I really didn’t want my wife to leave us. The night before her flight, I convinced her to stay and let Danny, one of our roadies, head back to California on his own.

The next day we sat on the bus in silence listening to what was going on. When it was finally released that the plane she was supposed to fly on was “lost,” we both broke down in tears. By the time we got to Toronto, after a major delay at the border, my phone was ringing. Her sister was calling. I was so thankful we didn’t have a show that night. When we finally went to bed, I felt drained. Crawling beneath the sheets, I pulled her back to my chest. “I love you, Baby,” I whispered in her ear.

I could feel her smile and snuggle closer to my body. “I love you too,” she said softly.

“I wanna start a family,” I said.

This statement caused her to pull away from me and roll over to look at me. “You do? I thought we were gonna wait until the tour was over.”

I reached up and brushed a stray strand of hair off of her face. “The tour’s almost over,” I stated. But her look told me she knew I wasn’t telling her the real reason. Sighing, I placed my hand on her cheek. “I almost lost you today. I’m not going to let that happen. You’re my world.” I kissed her sweetly. Her fingers slowly ran down my chest. I knew what she was after. And even after the emotional rollercoaster that was that day, I found myself responding to her touch.


End file.
